Ship Struggles

The entire time I have been in Madagascar I haven't figured out how to make this experience relatable to everyone back home. I mainly have posted about the highlights of the week, adventures, or amazing experiences what I haven't mentioned are the days where I questioned myself as to why I came here, if the stress of the day worth it, if I should have made this trek across the world. The days of stress, homesickness, regret and questioning where all worth it now as I can look back, what makes this experience so challenging is that your security system that I have in place at home is gone. I have made my own security system here will my friends, and they have filled the place of my family for a short while.

Respect Mercy Ships Core Values in their service and employment.

• Love God,

• Love and serve others,

• Be people of integrity, and.

• Be people of excellence in all we say and do.

These core values were good reminders for me not only on the good days where it easy to remember why I was here, but on the days when I really questioned what I was doing on a ship in Madagascar! A lot of this trip was being out of my comfort zone and when making decisions not thinking about much it terrified me to go even though I knew would enjoy it. For me making the first step couple steps where the hardest, but once I made the first few steps it would too late to turn back so I would have to put my fears and concerns behind me and just enjoy it! 

One of the toughest parts of being here is saying goodbye to someone you have become close with, and the next day the new arrivals are here trying to make friends and fit in. I really struggled with this at the beginning of January. I said goodbye to one of my really good friends, and he had just been gone 24 hours and someone new is trying to be my friend. In my mind I'm thinking I haven't even had the chance to process that he's gone, just leave me alone please, I don't want to be your friend. However this new arrival is trying so hard to fit in and feel welcome, and confused as to why I am being stand offish. To this day I struggle to be friendly to this new guy, because in my heart it feels like he's intruding on the memory of my old friend, but in reality he's just trying to feel at home. It has been over a month and half and on a daily basis I have to remind myself to include him, be friendly, and make a point to have a conversation with him. It isn't this guys' fault that my friend left and he arrived the next day, it just the circumstances and part of ship life. 

I don't know how to put this into words or explain it well, my bunkmate posted about the same thing and is letting me leave the link to her blog. She does a much better job of putting into words the experience of people coming and going! So check out her post! Locks and Locks of Love